re: castle crashers

me: that would rock!!

but you'd have to de-noob cuz we're all higher levels

Mike: how high?

you know me, i'm a power leveller

me: oh well calm down i think we're only like level 14

don't beat the game or anything

Mike: lol

we'd log on and i'm all /flex

LEVEL 99, sup gaiz!

o...you're only 14, mai bad

"want me to run you through RFC?"

Mike: We require more vespene gas.

me: are you srsly playing sc at work?

Mike: Nope

I've decided this will be my new "I'm hungry" phrase

I like to shake things up

would it be bad if my dog ate a pound of hash?

Invictus says:
ahahah
do you think it's possible to have sex in a crane?
on a crane?
... from a crane?
what's the right preposition there
CapnBry says:
with a crane. of course!

"dude... i think there's a bat on the shuttle"

Mike: built in penis pump?

awesome

me: yes, microsoft thinks of EVERYTHING

Mike: gives a new meaning to the term Microshaft

methinks

also, that's the best penis pump company name ever!

me: micro? does not imply good pumping

it should be MACROSHAFT

or UBERSHAFT

or THE GIGANTOR

Mike: Here at Microshaft, we care about the size of your penis, and want to help you develop the Ubershaft you've always wanted.

me: To this end we have created the new, revolutionary GIGANTOR pump.

Mike: See this scale drawing where we put the Gigantor next to the Empire State Building

notice how it's nearly half the height of the building

me: ahahha

Mike: Just think, if Earth was ever invaded by giant Amazon alien women standing thousands of feet tall, you'll be prepare to satisfy them like no normal man ever could.

GIGANTOR: Become Earth's last line of defense.

can you dig it?

me: hey... you'd still do me, right?
Bryan: In an instant!
WaitI'd start in an instant
Bryan: and finish like 2 instants later

Mike: impressive, a whole 2 instants
Mike: personal best: 1.56
though i average around :0.73
the best was after 7 red bulls and a line of cocaine

Bryan: Apparently now I no longer have to be registered to marry people in Florida, as any ordained minister is allowed.
However, to get your license you must complete a minimum 4 hour training course on how to be berried
*merriged
*married
Bryan: But my Premarital Preparation Course is a 4 hour suck and #*$# session to help prepare the bride for blissful matrimony

Mike: Bryan's Primae Noctis Premarital Prep Course
BRAVEHEART STYLE!

weta!

me: kangaroos can kill you, right?
Dwayne: yes
everything in that awfull country can kill u

Tosa-ken dogs are the animal equivalent of sumo wrestlers

Dwayne: l grew up in the country, and didnt see fuk all bugs
i HATE bugs

Bryan: wow you're closer than I thought
you'd be even closer if I didn't have to "Head south on Dale Mabry Hwy toward Hudson Ln. Make a U-turn at Hudson Ln"
Go North for a few miles, then make a uturn and go south for a few miles PLUS a few miles. Then make 4 lefts. 2 wrongs don't make a right, but 3 rights DO make a left

me: so btw i just found out a friendof mine moved to a road called pemberleicestershire
wtf kind of stupid name is that?
Bryan: wow what the hell is that
When people name roads they should ask themselves "If I had to give out this address over the phone, would I have to repeat it 8 times and spell it twice for the other party?"
me: people have an insanely hard time with my road
"tall oak private"
"... what? dollaoke? what's a private?"
Bryan: Try 11744A N Dale Mabry Hwy. 117 Eh? No 11744 A, like Alpha. So 11744 Alpha? No the letter A. 11744A.

thigh-high boots to get married in

Robert: Kids are like Huns.

Bryan: This all goes back to what constitutes a date
A mutual attendance of an event in which one person buys the other person something and at least one of the two thinks they might be able to touch the other person.

Bryan: Why you'd want to make out while skydiving is beyond me. That's akin to going on a water slide while eating a corn dog, if you're the sort of person that enjoys both waterslides and corn dogs.

GET IN THE CAR, DAD, WE ARE LOOKING FOR SLUMS

Eugene: albania to the south. now, that's a backward part of the world. the clocks stopped in 1954. Like Havana! except weirder.

Invictus says:
a large percentage of hte monarchy are mentally handicapped due to inbreeding
Bry says:
now that is true. same thing with roombas

welfare epics

me: YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMOOOORE
Dwayne: awwwwyeah i do, a little but not a lot, that would be unrequited, and a little creepy/stalkerish
me: enough to buy me this?http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Item.aspx?fromGrid=1&sku=19430138&mcat=148210&cid=287465&search_params=s+5-p+15-c+287465-r+101323351+101424823-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t
Dwayne: does it increase Intellect and spell damage?
if not then i dont think so missy!

me: http://sify.com/news/fullstory.php?id=14867794
Marco: note to self: block all keyholes for coming octopalypse

Invictus says:
i named it sangria!
Bry says:
In spanish sangre means blood so I assume the name means "cute little blood drink"

Invictus says:
so i wonder how to put things i've downloaded into my library
Bry says:
drag and drop!
Invictus says:
could it be that easy?!?!
Bry says:
it's how I get in the car every morning

when things go bad it's quite often rectal bleeding

Bry says:
well do you get merit badges for the thousand meter club (a kilolay), the quarter mile club (the quarter hump), the half mile club (the semi half and half) etc?

Invictus says:
LOL the clostest helicopter i've found to the one i'm talking about is this
http://www.healingheart.net/images/harold_helicopter.jpg
Bry says:
LMAO oh a Harold Class Anomorphicpter

ANGRY WOOF!

Invictus says:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bouncing_bomb
Mike says:
"you know how you love playing golf, AND, you love blowing shit up? well i've got this idea..."

feliz cumpleanos!

Marco: woot ty! i got your message
your pronunciation was great!
me: was it??
Marco: now you just need to say it faster so it doesn't sound like you're unearthing ancient spanish artifacts!

me: http://semperfimariness.net/womens_pants/3348.jpg
HIDE FROM THE UNICORNS!
Mike: "Our heroes suddenly find themselves stranded in the middle of a Breast Cancer Awareness parade, what will they do?"
swoosh
LOLBREASTCANCER CAMO!

Stefan says:
Are you picking up what i'm laying down here?
Invictus says:
i hope not, i don't want syphilis
Stefan says:
Good, I don't want crabs
If we ever change our minds though
Maybe we can swap
Invictus says:
barter, i like that
i'll give you two pounds of crabs for a litre of the syph
Stefan says:
I don't know
Syph is more expensive on the open market

diarrhea with dried droppings" (chocolate), "bloody poop" (strawberry), and "green dysentery" (kiwi)

Marco: LOLCANCER GOT YOU DOWN!? TRY NEW ROFLAIDS!

me: sadly our LOLCANCER jokes are not true
marco says i very likely do not have it cuz she didnt' mention my red blood cell count
Mike: marco the narco is an oncologist?
me: med student
Mike: YOU TELL HIM TO STFU THEN, YOU'VE GOT LOLCANCER!

dust on the bottle

from mike, via craigslist?

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?" I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either

mini bosch

Invictus says:
what's your penis called?
oh wait way personal
NEVER MIND
Mike says:
i don't think i have a name for it
OH WAIT
HERMAN
that's right
haven't used it in a long time
the name, not the penis