what would brian boitano do?

me: no i thoguht of you and sighed mentally and talked to a stranger
i thought you'd be proud
Bryan: well how did that work out? other people are mostly jerks
Bryan: sometimes you can make out with them though, which sort of shuts them up for a while

Bryan: probably because he thought you were slender and fit so you must be one of those diet coke drinkers and you're hot, so he wanted to get you drunk so you'd touch his wang
Bryan: standard procedure really but I don't have a lot of time so I usually bring a shot of jager and a redbull

Bryan: were your panties at least exciting?
me: yes they were erm... erm.... oh i think they were the vacuum panties
man i should have led with that story

me: i hate you
hate with mouth?
Bryan: Wait, is that good?
me: do you like teeth?
Bryan: sure I do, I would be remiss if I didn't say I like a girl to have all her teeth

Bryan: And yeah the girls of jcpenny got nothin on your sweet smokin goodness
me: i hope you put that on my tombstone
Bryan: What are you going to have a section of your grave reserved for blurbs? "...girls of jcpenny got nothin on your sweet smokin goodness..." raves Rev Mayland, "She was better than 'Cats', I wanted to do her again and again" Capt Mayland, "A real tour de force... in her pants", Bryan A.M, Engineer
me: "i give her three stars out of five"

your song

me: man i am going to cut a swath through the kiwi men when i get there
MMMPH
i should make a documentary about it
Dwayne: lol
"Kelsa does Kiwi"
me: AHAHHA YES
Dwayne: "Kelsa does Kiwi... (alot)"

the stapler of doooom

me: so one coworker has an office across the hall from me
and another coworker is always in there
and the two of the are ALWAYS WHISPERING
and i mean what is going on!
plotting murder?
discussing divorce?
what's with the whispers!!
Mike: I think they're playing D&D
whisper I draw my sword and slash at the ravaging orc
whisper Oh brave adventurer, you've saved me once again!

settings

Bryan: speaking of too ashamed, they have a big electronic billboard outside the office now (by the street, they're not just advertising to K33 and I) and one of the 3 ads it flashes is "How do your [b]tampons[/b] travel?" and it has a picture of like some sort of little flowery case you can buy to carry them around "discreetly"
Bryan: I put finger quotes on discreetly because if someone sees this thing there are only two things they can think might be in there: 1) unexysay feminine products 2) the part of your brain they took out to allow you to buy such a trashy looking little case because golly it is ugly!
Bryan: And you think the story ends there
Bryan: but it does not! For today, there was a new ad on the billboard. "How do your [b]antiespay[/b] travel?" [enlatined by the editor]. And there was a picture of that exact same gaudy flowery case.
Apparently someone decided that you can put other things inside a rectangular case, other things you may be ashamed of carrying
Bryan: But let's face it, if you're carrying multiple pairs of antiespay in your purse, are you really the sort of person who is embarrassed about showing people your antiespay? Especially if they're used to seeing them "in operation"
Bryan: conversations like these are what some people call "The Reasons Bryan Does Not Have a Girlfriend"
You're probably there, you're just hanging low until it blows over

me: i think you'd really like my sister
Mike: she's hot, so sure
me: well also she's like me but less whiny and neurotic
Mike: maybe cause she gets laid more?

Thomas: I'm well, starting to get things on the right track
me: what's the right track?
Thomas: not what I've been doig the last few years

too soon, executus

Robert: have you read the original [Dracula]?

the middle bit is a bit boring

It's like:

Beginning: Awesome Vampire Story

End: Awesome Vampire Story

Middle: "Hey - I bet you didn't know that I'm a specialist in 19th century British tax and estate law! Let's investigate!"

but she was making asparagus

Dwayne: flirting!? i have a girfriend!
,,,... sorta
me: wait i thought that was over
Dwayne: me too
i dunno!