queefster

"While this may be the first documented case of a serious vuvuzela injury, frequent tooters have already reported grossly swollen “vuvuzela lips.” "

Bryan: oh oh USA soccer hooligans outside are shouting obscenities at the foreigners
this will certainly end well

me: "hurr hurr my fat ass vaguely somewhat supports this soccer team once every year and our team is better than YOUR team, fatasses!

wait which team are we again NO MATTER, WE ARE THE CHAMPIIIIONS, MY FRIIIIENDS"

Bryan: LOL
that's pretty much what it sounds like but add more sudden changes in topic
me: " AND WE BEAT YOU IN 'NAM, TOO "
Bryan: it's calmed down out there, now it is just occasional muttering and a "fuckin' U S A, man" every so often
me: me: i love people who bring up eons-old wars about it, too
"HURR! TAKE THAT, MING DYNASTY SUPPORTERS!"
"BLOODY ROMANS JUST THINKING YOU CAN WALTZ IN AND TAKE OUR COUNTRY. WELL TAKE THAT "
Bryan: hahahah yeah romans ete domus, go USA!
me: "COLUMBUS, REPRESENT!"
Bryan: WOOOOOO Custer's Revenge! Take that India

he works from nine to five and then

Bryan: but then they put me on the girls team and then they got disqualified because I was not a girl, but I claimed to play like one
Bryan: I did feel uncomfortable because I didn't know if all the girls knew I wasn't a girl

because, you see, I had a ballerina skirt on

the perfect disguise

radio arabella

me: Folklore in the Mi'kmaq First Nation claims that the tides in the Bay of Fundy are caused by a giant whale splashing in the water.

Bryan: I always thought a fundy was either a kooky christian fundamentalist or a pair of underwear two people wore at once

Equine Shenanigans

Mike: You know how teenagers get when their hormones start going crazy

just can't keep them apart

You go to bed, they sneak out of the stable and have crazy bonfire parties in the yard.

You wake up to horses laying out all over the place, empty ketamine syringes and troughs full of fermented apples

Winnipeg seems nice this time of year

me: His dam, Winnie's Tash, is a granddaughter of Seattle Slew.

tell me you didn't just read that as "winne's trash"

Bryan: none of those words made sense to me

I read it as "Hi Dam, Winnie's Trash, is a granddaughter out of Seattle. Stew"

prithee

Bryan: "2 hot dogs, cut into medallions"
any recipe that starts with this must be awesome
(monocle) have you tried the hot dog medallions m'lady?

Wii tennis arms

me: Lyndsay Young became a fan of I hate when i get hay in my bra.
Bryan: I hate finding hay in a girl's bra too
Especially if the reason is that my date is actually made from hay
Mike: I hate getting hay in my pants. Cause then when I have to go to the bathroom it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

Bryan: Yeah they left to go get some c-c-c-c-c-cocaine and I said I wouldn't be there when they got back
So it is nice to see that I can still attract reputable broads

-- Widescreen 16:9 format, native resolution 1280x720, accepts input up to 1920x1080i.
-- Technology is LCD Projection, user-replaceable lamp.
-- Dimensions 48.3 x 35.2 x 17 inches (W x H x D) supposedly 113lbs but I can tell you it weighs less than my girlfriend.
-- Inputs 3x Component, 2x Composite/SVideo, 1x HDMI on the back / 1x VGA, 1x Composite/SVideo on the front, SD Card slot for viewing photos of your girlfriend.
-- Built in tuner ATSC/NTSC/QAM w/ CableCard slot, but good luck getting an NTSC signal since the digital switch.
-- Built-in speakers so you can hear your MTV or whatever you kids these days watch.
-- Panasonic "universal" remote. Batteries included too for your 3V AA pleasure.
-- Original printed manual featuring your choice of language, as long as that choice is English.

Bonus! I'll also throw in a Logitech Harmony 520 universal remote, the remote so nice it makes you want to slap your mama.
-- Programmable over USB (cable included) and the power of the Internet to work with all your current devices.
-- Activity-based operation is not like the remote that came with your cable box, your parents will actually be able to turn on your TV when they visit.
-- Has buttons on the front, battery door (4x AAA, not included) on the back.
-- Lights up, LCD screen, 4 hard buttons around the LCD.

Double bonus (holy smokes!)
-- 6ft HDMI v1.3 cable to get you started.

You come pick it up. Cash only. No I will not take a 3rd party check for more than the sale price and give you cash, unless you are President Motubo of Zimbabwe.

Bryan: haha remember those siemens with the half priced helix from yesterday?
well they just called and offered an even better deal
Bryan: "The customer *needs* Helix"
Me: that's what I hear, but it costs X
"I know but they're not going to pay for it, but they really need it. So can you just do it as a favor for us instead?
So now we've gone from 1/2 price to absolutamente gratis!

Bryan: I want to write copy for VS because it seems like a pretty easy job that you can do with those refrigerator magnets that have words on them if you buy the "sexy, flirty, strechy, lacy" expansion pack

Bryan: And keith just came to me and casually said: "Hey you know how you're not doing anything? Well wouldn't it be nice if Helix could make and transmit PDF files?"
Bryan: It would also be nice if it had an MMORPG inside it that hospital people could play and we could collect subscriptions


Bryan: I'm going to Orlando to hang out with my sister and her dumb kids this weekend
me: oh god
Bryan: yeah pretty sweet eh?
me: happy birthday, listen to some screaming!
why did you agree to that!
Bryan: on the plus side I'm one year older now so maybe I'll die soon

Bryan: yeah mount means to melt the butter while whisking on and off heat so it never gets to simmer or else all the acid makes the sauce turn to a motherfucking greek tragedy