HEY THIS HELIX IS GOLLY

Bryan: Oh lordie these people. Helix runs a GUI scripting interface, which means there's a computer that noone can touch because Helix uses the mouse and keyboard. So someone comes along and tries to use this computer to brows the web, but helix keeps trying to launch the hospital software so it can enter results
Bryan: so the enterprising webbrowsing individual uninstalls the hospital software to prevent it from popping up
Bryan: I guess the desktop wallpaper that said in big red letters DO NOT USE THIS MACHINE FOR ANY PURPOSE wasn't to their liking either because they changed that to the pretty windows hills
me: did they offer up all their stupid actions or did you have to give a questionnaire?
Bryan: no I looked around and found that someone ran the uninstaller over the weekend and prior to that and after that they were browsing the web looking for pot roast recipes
Bryan: So figure out who had pot roast on Sunday and you've got your person who should be fired for .... I dunno you just don't want someone who does that on your staff. Oh I need to make a latte so I'll unplug this respirator for a while

Bryan: but handsomest man ever who I will gladly caress with mouth, you ask, "Won't they freeze in a giant unthawable block?"
Stop you're making me blush, but that's right!
The solution being to lay the slices out on a sheet pan and freeze them then once they're hard you dump them into a freezer bag

senile shotguns

me: trivia question today was "how many stars on the american flag"
Bryan: 13! well and one for Haiti. oh wait 26 if you count the ones on the back too, and then 24 printed in invisible thread for our shadow provinces. So I guess that makes 50 total

me: HOW MANY AMERICAN STATES ARE THERE
Brian: At least 1.
Oh wait, I thought that said "How many american states hate me"
Jeez, I need caffiene

Brian: I'm sorry, the states are mostly useless!
Each state itself, not the country.
Brian: It's like why keep track, there's only 5 or 6 anyone ever wants to go to!

Brian: Haha, what a meathead. The only thing you should put in your mouth at parties is your own alcohol or other people's body parts.

baby, i do

Bryan: yeah apparently someone gave it to me friday night and its primary function is to make sure every solid and fluid in your body is forcibly ejected through an orifice every 30 minutes or so, starting at 5am
me: and you tell ME to stop sleeping with homeless people.
Bryan: he said he knew you

narco's show horses' names

Allah Alfalfa, in deference to the 9/11 Budweiser commercial
Commodore64
Time to Touch
Sir Loin
MC Clip Clop

chicachica

Bryan: LOL at technobeats
everything comes with technobeats now
Helix 2 point technobeats-o
me: vmmf vmmf vmmf vmmf IN-SERT BLOOD NOW vmmf vmmf vmmf vmmf NOW OXY-GEN READINGS vvmf vmmf vmmf vmmf WHAT IS PATIENT NAME OH YEAH YEAH vmmf vmmf vmmf cmmf
Bryan: Doot doot doot DATE Of birth oot ootoot
me: ERR-OR, ERR-OR, mmtzz mmtzz mmtzz mmtzz
Bryan: W-w-w-w-w-w-weeping

me: mike says i'm snobby sometimes!
Bryan: when are you snobby? you drink wine from an IV bag
Bryan: just because you like horses and tiaras doesn't mean you're snobby

a day at the office

coworker, talking to another coworker on the phone about a site visit on federal army land:

"no keys??!"
(pause)
"well can you break in?"
(pause)
"well do you have a sledgehammer?"

Mike: hmm, I almost quoted Pocahontas to a coworker
i forget such things are only valid in our world